Events that occur seemingly unexpectedly or dramatically often build up over time with smaller occurrences that portend a sudden one. That is how it is with me currently as we approach summer and just as quickly as I was wondering when the next shoe was going to drop in a situation it did. In this case I am referring to my sister who has suffered with the rare disabling autoimmune disease Scleroderma for a very long time that has escalated the past few years. Last summer she took a sudden turn making a very long hot summer weather wise even hotter and longer in the soul. This past year has been a period of rises and falls in her medical condition and recently circumstance have foreshadowed that another major turn was due. Without going into personal detail it now has and the disruption is not unexpected any more than it is welcomed but nonetheless it has occurred. The time has arrived to calmly go into critical situation mode with my head and wits about me in full control over what I am able to direct and let happen what I cannot.
We are prepared for these things if we pay attention to signs that attune us to what it going on around us externally and internally. This awareness has many names including intuition, discernment, instinct, gut feelings, perception, premonition, hunches, foreknowledge and some would say clairvoyance. In many ways it is a result of experience and age bringing wisdom that gives us insight into what is most likely to happen given certain circumstances. In this instance signals were beaming at me that alerted my senses to be aware and begin to prepare for some possible difficult and unpleasant scenarios. Fortunately I paid attention to them and awkwardly started groping for coping tools to hone and let those who help me through uncertain situations know what my perceptions were telling me. This evening a defining event arrived and over the next few weeks and quite possibly months will need to marshal the resources I have gathered and as wisely as possible implement them. The readiness will guide me through although it will not necessarily make it easier or comfortable.
I hate hearing about your sister's (and your) situation; I don't like it when cool people are in pain. I honestly don't like it when anyone is in pain, mostly because I usually hate pain but maybe more because it always seems like everyone wants to make a "learning experience" out of it, in retrospect. I guess I'd rather just think a lot and cry as required. You know?
ReplyDeleteI get what you say here about having signs that trouble was coming, but I don't know that seeing them could help you in any way other than maybe to get a slight head-start on feeling bad. I come at this from the place of a guy who thinks he knows better, then always gets blindsided by critical situations. It's my choice, I guess, and I don't know that I'd change things unless the change involved the people in the critical situations becoming uncritical. THAT, I would sign on for.
Other than that I know nothing, and I sure don't know how to prepare for anything. My hat's off to anyone who can take terrible stuff in and systematize it. Part of me wishes I could...and I don't mean to say that's what you're doing here, JR. You're surely not doing that. I just feel lousy and wish you (and your sister) well and have no idea how to make goodness happen.
So, I'm thinking of you and your family and wishing you all the best. And having said all that, I am shutting up. :)
There have been tears over my sister's situation over the years, especially the last 11 when this disease hit her hard enough to disable her and she could no longer work at the profession she loved. The worst was by far this past Mother's Day when my stoic British mother, whom I can count on one hand the times in my life I've seen her really breakdown added one time to the hand. It didn't depress me so much as make me very, very sad.
ReplyDeleteThis entire situation is out of the natural order of things. Children are supposed to be taking care of parents at this stage of life and not the other way around. I do what I can for my mother but nothing I do can make up for the fact that she is facing something that is not the ordinary path. My sister's sons do what they can for her but it is hard to watch them go through what my sister and I did, the early death of my father when we were their age (twentysomething). I can only control how I react not what actually happens other than to deal and ultimately accept the situation whether I want it to be so or not.
What I have learned about myself through the years of experiencing other difficult situations, unfair and unwelcome ones is that I tend not to so much systematize it but create a plan for coping as events unfold in order to keep my wits about me when others may not be. This allows me to make the most of my time, however much may or may not be left with my sister and when the ultimate comes after all is said and done then it becomes my turn. Perhaps it is the combination of British "bootstraps" and Western American "true grit" within me that demands it since I know it will hit me. My experience has also been that when my time comes and it hits me people are around me that know me well enough to know what is happening and take care of me. That is all I can operate on now.
The only good thing that comes out of this is have creative skills that I can focus on that serve two purposes: one to channel my energy and the other to express what I am thinking and feeling about it. Both of these abilities go a long way to helping me ease although not relieve the pain.
My sister has fooled us time and again that just when it seemed she was about to fall off the edge she surprised everyone to return. I suspect she is not done yet but getting weary and the inevitable will arrive when she's ready. Do not be surprised to see a post regarding this as soon as tomorrow if I can muster up the right words.
Thanks for commenting, your thoughts and sharing that you hate the situation as much as I do. Having said all that, I too am now shutting up. ;~}